Ichiro May Be a Yankee, But the Sun Still Shines in Seattle

Yesterday my husband approached me in the kitchen with a look of shock on his face. He  looked down at his phone and back up at me. After a moment he sputtered- “Do you want to hear some crazy news?”

I drew a sharp breath in- “What is it?!”

“You won’t believe it!” His head shaking side-to-side in dismay. The tension was mounting. Nails were being bitten. He took one final pause for a dramatic climax before lowering the boom- “Ichiro was traded to the Yankees.”

Deadpan expression. Hmm.

Should I fake surprise? Conjure up some bewilderment? Squirt some tears? It was sad, after all, truly it was. (Besides the Ichiroll at Safeco is delicious and I just don’t think it will taste the same if its called the Hernandez roll. )

I wondered, did this mean anything to me? And if so, does it mean anything for the average woman who loves baseball for the garlic fries? As I waited for some kind of emotional response a message began pounding out a rhythm in my heart. The response I was having didn’t have anything to do with the nature of the Ichiro trade- it had everything to do with the address.

What I realized is that David and Goliath were at it again. It was one of those moments that makes you wonder if the underdog will always be- well, under.

I don’t care where Ichiro plays. Ichiro deserves to finish his career wherever he wants. He put in a good 12 seasons ( don’t quote me die-hards), so he deserves to win a few games. So Suzuki aside, here is where I get on my Moneyball soapbox.

The New York Yankees are to baseball what a spoiled little rich girl is to her pony- excessive. I am not one of those crazy sports fans that paint themselves blue on a balmy 46 degree day, (I preserve my paint for Pinterest crafts) but I can draw a chalk line between success and superfluousness.

We live in a nation where we are always told we need to be wherever we aren’t. That we never have enough. That the grass isn’t green enough- so go look for neon knolls.

To me, The Yankees are a metaphor for America’s gluttonous nature and the danger or being a discontent woman. Its hard not to notice that some of “The Yankees” in our life, (a.k.a the Evil Empire) have great successes. And when this happens it is difficult to deal with these type of successes gracefully.

Rule of thumb, don’t look at what they have in lieu of what you don’t. Look at what they have as something you can aspire to.

To go further down the rabbit hole of  living well, let’s try to focus on being quick to forgive instead of holding a grudge. Let’s pick up the check instead of looking for a free meal. Let’s give our kids hope instead of instilling in them fear of being a failure. Don’t be afraid to cheer from the stands instead of trying to be center-stage every now and then.

Whether you are a small business owner, an employee, a stay-at-home mother, or a student looking to land your dream job- it is a mistake to get tangled up in the dollars and cents solely for the prestige. Yes, we all need to look for the best deal to further our dreams- but sometimes you have to take the smaller paycheck to find the bigger purpose.

This isn’t about Ichiro, obviously. It is about learning to be happy right where we are.

We are not major league baseball players, so we can’t understand the indubitable pull of playing for the Yankees. But what we can understand is the shiny allure of someplace or something that will make us feel like we have arrived. The truth? No matter where you live, what you do, who pays you, or what that amount is- contentment is a choice.

Maybe you’ve recently lost your spot on the roster because someone out-pitched you or threw you a nasty curve-ball. Or maybe you are looking to turn in your number for a bigger spot on the field of life. No matter where you find yourself, keep your eye on the ball. Someday your pitch will come. (I bat .400 when it comes to baseball cliches.)

Oh, and in the meantime order the Ichiroll. I have a feeling it won’t be here long.

Image courtesy  of The New York Daily News
Article courtesy of Girl Power Hour 

Fear is NOT a Factor for You...Or Is It?

Since Girl Power Hour is in the middle of their 3rd Annual Mind-Body Challenge  I thought tackling the large phantom force of fear would be very appropriate.

Fear takes different forms for each of us. Some of us pretend we are not afraid of anything and others can’t make a move without finding something that scares them. I, perhaps like you, am somewhere in-between.

I came to this conclusion after seeing a commercial for the new season of Fear Factor a few months back. Fear Factor has always been a show that I have a hard time watching. And despite it’s reappearance on NBC this year, I still have yet to watch a single episode.

Bear in mind, this has nothing to do with Joe Rogan. How could it? He is a stand-up comedian, UFC host, and co-producer of the documentary, DMT: The Spirit Molecule (which highlights the potent psychedelic compound found in nearly every living organism); Who is this guy?! Obviously, not a scaredy-cat.

Unlike me, I can’t watch the show mainly because it’s scary. Yes, I am afraid of Fear Factor. In light of that confession, it is obvious that I could never eat a snake while underwater with my ankles tied to an eel-infested shark tank.

But do you know what scares me more than snake tartar in an eel-laden pool?  Letting people down.

OK, I know. This may sound like one of the biggest mistakes in the nice-girl handbook (especially in mine) How can we expect to get anywhere successfully if we care what other people think about us? But, this isn’t about being a pushover or wanting to impress others, instead it is about learning the importance of saying what’s on our minds when we have the chance to say it. Missing moments to do so can result in a whole underworld of misunderstanding.

I recently missed a moment of truth that led to a misunderstanding between a friend. This experience left me wondering what is worse? Being disliked or being unlikable?

While that may sound a little bit like the ‘chicken-or-the-egg’ ideology, here is what I mean. Being disliked is unavoidable- there are always going to be people that won’t like you regardless of what you have or haven’t done. Becoming unlikable happens when you change who you are or what you know to be right in order to avoid a conflict. Being intentional about every word we say (or don’t say) is a big part of becoming better women.

Fear of man (or woman) fuels a propensity to become chameleons. And while that skill is wonderful for Joe Rogan and many other names on the Hollywood walk of fame- it doesn’t serve us well in the reality of interpersonal one-on-one relationships. Stick to one skin- the one you are in.

Never fear being disliked- only fear making yourself unlikable by withholding the whole truth. Being true to you always outweighsbeing someone else for appearances.

Whether it is your health, your body, or your mind- don’t be afraid of becoming the absolute best version of you possible. Keep in mind that you may need to go through a few revisions to get it right. You 2.0? Totally legit.

PS- In my estimation, it is OK to fear snakes, eels and sharks (or a combo of all 3) That’s just common sense.

Jolie vs. Jennifer and Other Pointless Comparisons

Yes, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are finally engaged according to The New York Post and many other sources as of last Friday. And no, Jennifer Aniston doesn’t care.

The ongoing tabloid tirade between Jolie and Jennifer has entertained most of us for the last seven years. In-between sprints on the treadmill and sips at Starbucks, more than a few of us have given way to turning pages dedicated to the tousle between these two. We have painted this dueling duo as the pout-lipped temptress vs. the unsuspecting good wife. However, the subsequent question always follows; how could Brad Pitt love such seemingly different women?

Maybe they aren’t all that different from one another. Sure, one is the cheated and one is the cheater- but who’s keeping track? (Sorry, I guess I am on Team Aniston)

But in all honesty, I could care less about the love triangle going on. What intrigues me is the comparison game between Hollywood’s ‘bad girl’ and Hollywood’s ‘good girl’. Jolie and Aniston provide a clear portrait of a real and present problem with modern-day female interaction. Both of these woman represent the constant pull between two polar opposite female personalities on the spectrum of friendship and foe.

One woman appears to be sunny, outgoing and BFF-ish. The other is stunning, intriguingly talented, and too sexy for her slit (Oh come on we’ve all seen Jolie’s awkward Oscar stance, right?) Sure, Jolie is a UN Refugee Envoy, but still the tabloids can’t seem to get past the Pitt husband-stealing thing. And Aniston has had a string of beaus and is now happy and (perhaps prego?) with Theroux.

The take-away from their tabloid popularity is this: it isn’t about them. It’s about us.

No matter where you fall in the spectrum of good girl vs. bad girl- we can not ignore the cache of comparisons we subject ourselves to on a daily basis. Maybe we aren’t comparing ourselves to Hollywood starlets, but a lot of women run headlong into comparisons with colleagues, friends, and foes; the masochist and the ego-head alike.

Comparison alone (without stress, financial trouble, love-life lulls, etc.) can cause isolation and insecurity. It can also cause us to demean ourselves and ultimately, become depressed. According to the CDC (Center for Disease Control) 1 in 10 adults in the U.S. are suffering from depression. While there are many other factors present in the diagnoses of depression comparing ourselves unfairly to one another? It certainly can’t be helping.

My mom has always told me that comparing myself to anyone else is like trying to squeeze a glass of orange juice from a rock. Pointless. The beauty of being a woman is how multifaceted we all are. Angelina and Jennifer have both struggled in the love department and they have both had amazing careers. They are just different kinds of the same. Just as you and I.

I know what you’re thinking. Is this another bite-your-tongue-and-be-friends-with-everyone blog? Nope.

I understand that there is no way that every woman can be friends with every woman. There are certain reasons and common interests that allow us to click with some ladies and not with others- (note: lack of morality and modesty is a legitimate reason to nix happy-hour). Regardless of commonalities, there is a danger in comparing ourselves to someone else- to anyone else. Especially if the goal is to make ourselves feel better or worse than them. If we begin counting any woman as unimportant or less valuable (including ourselves), we are collectively lowering our own self worth simultaneously along with theirs.

One of the first books ever written in the history of the world was by a missionary and saint named Paul. He puts it this way. “We’re not, understand, putting ourselves in a league with those who boast that they’re our superiors. We wouldn’t dare do that. But in all this comparing and grading and competing, they quite miss the point.”

And that’s the root of the root. If we spend too much mental energy comparing ourselves with others we will have missed the point. Instead of competing in battles we can not win with one another, we should be each other’s biggest supporters and cheerleaders.

You don’t have to give a round of applause to the girl who stole your job by lying about her resume qualifications or the woman who is spreading lies about you around the office to get a promotion. Those aren’t the type of women you need in your life. Instead, take a cue from Aniston herself. If you happen to have an ‘Angelina Jolie’ in your life- do the good girl thing and go on living your life- fully. Happiness is reserved for those who don’t allow someone else to dictate who they are.

“Once you figure out who you are and what you love about yourself, I think it all kinda falls into place.” – Jennifer Aniston

Photo Courtesy of: La Baguette Magique

Can You Ever Be Too Pretty For Your Own Good?

I was having a conversation with a few of my girlfriends the other day when a beautiful girl walked into the coffee shop we were at. The table went quiet.

One of my friends nervously pulled at a loose string on her hem, another stared the girl up-and-down, and the quietest of the group continued flipping through a magazine as if Brooke Burke’s doppelganger hadn’t just breezed through the door.

Finally, I said “Wow, that girl is really pretty.” Everyone responded in surround-sound; defeated and despondent, “I know, right?”

In that moment I began wondering what I was in the middle of. There was an energy shift among the women. Each of us responded in a different way. Each of us had exposed our insecurities and our imperfections in one quick moment of reflection.

As women, are we really threatened by beauty or by the way that beautiful women make us feel?

I found a recent Psychology Today article detailing the perils (ahem) of attractiveness. Heidi Grant Halvorson, Ph.D. revealed that “recent research has shown how the advantages of being beautiful don’t always translate into greater successes. In fact, being good-looking can cost you opportunities – jobs, scholarships, promotions – depending on the gender and attractiveness of your evaluator.”

She goes on to further explain via fellow Psychologist Maria Agthe, that attractive applicants who were in the process of approval for a graduate scholarship received higher ratings ‘from opposite-sex raters, but not from same-sex raters’. She went on to say that in this case, female applicants were actually penalized for their beauty by women.

As an author of a book that focuses on social graces and treating each other kindly, one of my core beliefs is deeply rooted in the importance of cultivating inner beauty. But that isn’t to say that outward beauty doesn’t have it’s own gravitational pull in our society and in our emotional lives.

The pretty girls feel like they need to apologize for being so.The plainer girls feel like they need to interchange the words ‘mean ‘and ‘pretty’ to make themselves feel like the nicer of the two. Regardless of where we fall on the spectrum of beauty, I stumbled across some stats that I think may help us better understand our aversion to accepting prettiness with grace.

According to the Social Issues Research Center (SIRC) a non-profit organization founded to conduct research on social and lifestyle issues, 80% of women over the age of 18 are unhappy with the way they look.

SIRC explained, “Recent experiments have shown that exposure to magazine photographs of super-thin models produces depression, stress, guilt, shame, insecurity, body-dissatisfaction and increased endorsement of the thin-ideal stereotype. Magazines like Vogue and Elle are banned in many eating-disorder clinics, because of their known negative effect on patients’ body-image.”

In a Harvard University Study they found that two-thirds of underweight 12-year-olds considered themselves “fat”. By 13, at least 50% of girls are dissatisfied with the way they look. At 14, the dissatisfaction becomes more targeted to certain areas of the body. By the time 17 rolls around, 7 out of every 10 girls will have been on a diet.*

Our image insecurities have lead us to judge not only those around us, but in turn, our poor fragile selves. And this vicious cycle of self-loathing and discontentment has led us to develop a distorted idea of beauty.

The root of the root? Pretty girls don’t have it made. No one does.

One of the freshest examples of this is Whitney Houston. Gone too soon at 48, she was a beautiful and talented lady who had everything going for her . In an interview with Good Morning America, the Canadian power-house Celine Dion commented, “What happens when you have everything? Love, support, motherhood…Something happens that I don’t understand. That’s why I’m scared of show business.”

In Whitney’s case, people continue to say what a waste. What a loss. What a shame. Because it is. Here is a woman who didn’t understand her own worth. Here is a woman who never understood how to accept her beauty and talent instead of resent it. I think there are a lot of us like her.

The problem may lie in the way we have been programmed to view beauty. While every woman wants it, we are also told to ‘harbor a secret hatred for the prettiest girl in the room’ (whether that’s someone else or ourselves)- as feminist-songwriter Ani DiFranco so eloquently stated.

How about you? Have you ever been shunned because you were a threat to another woman? Have you ever been left out, even though you didn’t quite understand why? Maybe just maybe, it had nothing to do with something being wrong. Perhaps it was just because you looked too right.

Have you ever done the shunning? Have you ever given envy the upper hand?

We hear all the time about accepting each others faults, but what we hear less about is accepting each others loveliness.

We need to remember that feminism in it’s original form was not only a sect of activists promoting a series of accomplishments to catapult women into their own real of economic progress– it was also meant to create a bond between sisters; a union of souls. We need to get back to that place.

Beauty is defined as ‘the qualities in a person that pleasurably exalts the mind or spirit.’

My advice? Shock people with your goodness. There is nothing more defusing than a pretty girl who is kind. Because, even if pretty is something you are, being beautiful is something we should all work hard to become.