The Importance of the Optimistic Mother

When my son was first born I had never seen a more beautiful child.

When he took his first steps I had never seen such a graceful athlete.

When he said his first word, “Zebra”, I was certain that we had a male Jane Goodall on our hands (of the four-legged variety, of course).

Typical, right?

Before kids, many of us are certain that these ooey-gooey outpourings will never happen to us. Especially for those who consider themselves to be a realist, or an intellectual, or at least a level-headed human being. There is NO WAY that you are going to let a diaper-clad anarchist inspire outlandish optimism.

And yet, becoming a mother is transformative; from the molecular structure of your being to the emotional make-up of your feelings. Almost immediately we begin to see abstract art in the curve of a dull Crayola and observe genius potential in the smallest of sentence structures, “Daddy go?” Pure poetry.

But it’s true, once a child becomes your own, a new creed finds itself stitched tightly into the fabric of your soul. By nature, you become much more of a miracle believer, a shaman, a spiritual beacon- you firmly begin to believe in Something greater than yourself. Any child is evidence of that. God does exist.

And while you will have these mountain top moments with your adorable offspring, you also have these dark days where you doubt yourself, your child, and your ability to do the job with a smile on your face.

For any mother that wonders why parenting is so hard and why other mothers seem to have it so easy (I may or may not be a part of this category), join the club. You are not alone. Motherhood is the hardest job I’ve ever had. And for those of us that work full time too, it’s no longer simply a job it’s a climate change. Your world no longer looks the same- whether it be desolate, fragrant, barren, or lush- all of our parenting landscapes have different shades of ash and Amaryllis. That’s the nature of the job.

I have found that the importance of being an optimistic mother isn’t something that is instinctive, it is something that is learned. But, nonetheless, it is imperative.

We must allow ourselves to be elevated to a new level of love outside of ourselves- we must outlandishly allow the “ooey-gooey” metamorphosis to happen. It’s an integral part of our own self-preservation and our child’s chance for a love-filled childhood. To make it through those first few newborn months into the terrible-two’s and all the way down the road to the teenage tumult- you must submit yourself to the power of optimistic parenting. “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

The truth is that young mothers will find themselves up to their eyeballs in fecal matter. They will discover their wit’s end amid cleaning ketchup off the walls. And they may develop their first intense desire for a cigarette no matter how organic their purees are.

But most of all we will find ourselves on our knees, especially when our children disappoint us, hurt others, or hurt themselves. But believe in your ability. Believe in the power of forgiveness. And pray. A lot.

As a mother, I know I am not the first biased parent to fall in love with their child from the get go. And I know I am not the only mother who felt guilt over the first time he fell down the stairs (there goes that soccer scholarship), the first time he pulled on a cat’s tail (hmm… toddler “animal testing” at it’s finest), or made you cry in public.

Regardless of the challenges, I am still boggled by how many modern parenting styles there are, such as: Attachment Parenting, Helicopter Parenting, Instinctive Parenting, Permissive Parenting, and Authoritative Parenting. I think it is great that there are resources out there for parents who are in desperate need of direction, but there is much to be said of instinct- we just need to trust it.

These days I watch a lot of Animal Planet. My two-year old is an animal “expert”, so we spend afternoons identifying Capybara’s and Gnu’s until I am blue in the face. In doing so, I have found myself intrigued by pieces highlighting the parenting styles of cheetahs. It is a part of their nature to seek prey in order to keep their cubs alive and a lot of them are single working mothers who don’t have any one else to rely on. These wild creatures don’t spend time doing flashcards, they focus on surviving. Some days that will be our task too.

I encourage you to try a parenting style that isn’t a style at all.  Develop a moral compass and work hard to raise respectable, joyful kids who are allowed to be children (even if that means sticking crayons in the DVD player every now and then).  Instead of treating our kiddos like a standardized test score the minute they exit the birth canal, let’s leave the boxes unchecked and opt out on the basis of optimism.

As humans we have the greatest resource at our fingertips to help ease the challenge: the ability to believe in the beauty of our imperfect children and in the beauty of our ability to love them unconditionally. This is the secret that isn’t a secret at all.

Ichiro May Be a Yankee, But the Sun Still Shines in Seattle

Yesterday my husband approached me in the kitchen with a look of shock on his face. He  looked down at his phone and back up at me. After a moment he sputtered- “Do you want to hear some crazy news?”

I drew a sharp breath in- “What is it?!”

“You won’t believe it!” His head shaking side-to-side in dismay. The tension was mounting. Nails were being bitten. He took one final pause for a dramatic climax before lowering the boom- “Ichiro was traded to the Yankees.”

Deadpan expression. Hmm.

Should I fake surprise? Conjure up some bewilderment? Squirt some tears? It was sad, after all, truly it was. (Besides the Ichiroll at Safeco is delicious and I just don’t think it will taste the same if its called the Hernandez roll. )

I wondered, did this mean anything to me? And if so, does it mean anything for the average woman who loves baseball for the garlic fries? As I waited for some kind of emotional response a message began pounding out a rhythm in my heart. The response I was having didn’t have anything to do with the nature of the Ichiro trade- it had everything to do with the address.

What I realized is that David and Goliath were at it again. It was one of those moments that makes you wonder if the underdog will always be- well, under.

I don’t care where Ichiro plays. Ichiro deserves to finish his career wherever he wants. He put in a good 12 seasons ( don’t quote me die-hards), so he deserves to win a few games. So Suzuki aside, here is where I get on my Moneyball soapbox.

The New York Yankees are to baseball what a spoiled little rich girl is to her pony- excessive. I am not one of those crazy sports fans that paint themselves blue on a balmy 46 degree day, (I preserve my paint for Pinterest crafts) but I can draw a chalk line between success and superfluousness.

We live in a nation where we are always told we need to be wherever we aren’t. That we never have enough. That the grass isn’t green enough- so go look for neon knolls.

To me, The Yankees are a metaphor for America’s gluttonous nature and the danger or being a discontent woman. Its hard not to notice that some of “The Yankees” in our life, (a.k.a the Evil Empire) have great successes. And when this happens it is difficult to deal with these type of successes gracefully.

Rule of thumb, don’t look at what they have in lieu of what you don’t. Look at what they have as something you can aspire to.

To go further down the rabbit hole of  living well, let’s try to focus on being quick to forgive instead of holding a grudge. Let’s pick up the check instead of looking for a free meal. Let’s give our kids hope instead of instilling in them fear of being a failure. Don’t be afraid to cheer from the stands instead of trying to be center-stage every now and then.

Whether you are a small business owner, an employee, a stay-at-home mother, or a student looking to land your dream job- it is a mistake to get tangled up in the dollars and cents solely for the prestige. Yes, we all need to look for the best deal to further our dreams- but sometimes you have to take the smaller paycheck to find the bigger purpose.

This isn’t about Ichiro, obviously. It is about learning to be happy right where we are.

We are not major league baseball players, so we can’t understand the indubitable pull of playing for the Yankees. But what we can understand is the shiny allure of someplace or something that will make us feel like we have arrived. The truth? No matter where you live, what you do, who pays you, or what that amount is- contentment is a choice.

Maybe you’ve recently lost your spot on the roster because someone out-pitched you or threw you a nasty curve-ball. Or maybe you are looking to turn in your number for a bigger spot on the field of life. No matter where you find yourself, keep your eye on the ball. Someday your pitch will come. (I bat .400 when it comes to baseball cliches.)

Oh, and in the meantime order the Ichiroll. I have a feeling it won’t be here long.

Image courtesy  of The New York Daily News
Article courtesy of Girl Power Hour 

Nice Girls Rule 60-Day Challenge: Day 25

For the next few months, every time I post a Blog/Twitter/Facebook message it will be about one simple way to increase your nice girl power. These will be simple ways to make your corner of the world a better place and to celebrate who you are, a woman who has committed herself to giving nice a good name. Here's today's challenge!

Nice Girls Challenge Day 25: Be "let-down"able

Thought of the day: O.k., so maybe I made this term up, but it's something that I have learned through a lifetime of dealing with the normal highs and lows that occur when you're human. I am sure we have all had "one of those days", where nothing seems to go right.

We sleep in, we get bad news, we lock ourselves out, we run out of gas, we lost the job, we didn't get the job, we were forgotten, we were singled out....on and on and on. Life has its own way of refining our ability to be patient and optimistic in spite of the ugly days. I tend to get easily run down when one bad day turns into several, and as a result have learned the importance of managing my expectations.

The truth is that we will be let down from time to time. The question is, can we do it gracefully? When our pride is hurt, things go awry, or our feelings are bruised, try to say a little prayer, count your blessings, or let out one big scream and move on.