How Slow Pokes Can Get Ahead Even When Falling Behind

With Girl Power Hour's Fit & Fab(ulous!) Panel & Networking Event this Thursday, May 24th, I know that a lot of us GPH-ers have taken some much needed inventory of our diet and exercise habits and tried to change some of them for the better. We all deserve to give ourselves some credit while we get through these last few days with transformed minds and bodies.

One area that I have really been focusing on during GPH's Fit and Fab(ulous!) challenge is running. After running in the Belleuve 10K/5K Run a few weeks ago, I have come to a startling realization: I used to be a runner.

Becoming a mommy almost 2 years ago changed the runner inside of me. While I was never one of those CamelBak clad, fancy sweat-wicking sports bra, barefoot-running-shoe types, I used to hit the ground running--fast. Nowadays, I tend to  feel as if I am running atop some kind of concrete honey compound. So I decided that this Fit and Fab(ulous!) challenge would be the time to overcome my underwhelming strides.
However, what I truly learned about myself as a runner came when my husband and I ran together for the first time in ages.

At first, we fell into an easy stride side-by-side. For a moment, it reminded me of our leisurely pre-son-runs during breezy spring days. But on this day it wasn't too long until I began to feel a stitch in my side, and a familiar you-are-so-out-of-shape burn in my lungs.

My husband kept on trucking like a sprite little teenager, and I began to feel my lower half sag (much like my son's book, The Saggy Baggy Elephant). My shoulders began to creep up like strings on a Marionette- as if to physically will myself in forward motion. I was hoping that I was just being hard on myself and that he wouldn't notice, but it didn't take long until he slowed his pace to match my pathetic attempt at a "walking-run". Then he lowered the boom on me- "You're slow today."

Now, to be fair. It was an honest assessment. But, I am an extremely competitive person and in the past this type of comment would have spurred me on to dashing ahead of him, sprinting to the finish and laughing as he doubled his time to catch up. But this new slow-poke-of-a-person I had become? She stopped running, put her hands on her hips, and waved him on with an angry and defeated flip of the hand.

My husband slowed his pace and ran the rest of the mileage in line with me- much to my chagrin.
As the run neared its end, we sped (ok, maybe we schlepped) through a neighborhood lined with Apple Blossom trees. Amidst the burst of pink, there was one tree that stood out.

Half of it was abloom in bright pink buds and the other half was fleeced with white blossoms. I later discovered that when the trees were planted, the arborist has grafted the wrong limb onto the tree. Even though it was half it's old self and half it's new self, it still looked beautiful and more unique than any other tree on the block. Under the shade of that duplicitous tree, I decided that its OK to be in the middle of blending my old self with this new version of me.

As I have been trying to increase my speed and get more running in for the GPH fitness challenge, I have come to realize that even though my immediate response to these new inadequacies of mine is frustration, the ultimate discovery is that initial weaknesses can become our biggest strengths. So, while I may be a little slow these days, I finally have the perfect pace to really enjoy what I used to speed right by.

xoxo, Megan

Fear is NOT a Factor for You...Or Is It?

Since Girl Power Hour is in the middle of their 3rd Annual Mind-Body Challenge  I thought tackling the large phantom force of fear would be very appropriate.

Fear takes different forms for each of us. Some of us pretend we are not afraid of anything and others can’t make a move without finding something that scares them. I, perhaps like you, am somewhere in-between.

I came to this conclusion after seeing a commercial for the new season of Fear Factor a few months back. Fear Factor has always been a show that I have a hard time watching. And despite it’s reappearance on NBC this year, I still have yet to watch a single episode.

Bear in mind, this has nothing to do with Joe Rogan. How could it? He is a stand-up comedian, UFC host, and co-producer of the documentary, DMT: The Spirit Molecule (which highlights the potent psychedelic compound found in nearly every living organism); Who is this guy?! Obviously, not a scaredy-cat.

Unlike me, I can’t watch the show mainly because it’s scary. Yes, I am afraid of Fear Factor. In light of that confession, it is obvious that I could never eat a snake while underwater with my ankles tied to an eel-infested shark tank.

But do you know what scares me more than snake tartar in an eel-laden pool?  Letting people down.

OK, I know. This may sound like one of the biggest mistakes in the nice-girl handbook (especially in mine) How can we expect to get anywhere successfully if we care what other people think about us? But, this isn’t about being a pushover or wanting to impress others, instead it is about learning the importance of saying what’s on our minds when we have the chance to say it. Missing moments to do so can result in a whole underworld of misunderstanding.

I recently missed a moment of truth that led to a misunderstanding between a friend. This experience left me wondering what is worse? Being disliked or being unlikable?

While that may sound a little bit like the ‘chicken-or-the-egg’ ideology, here is what I mean. Being disliked is unavoidable- there are always going to be people that won’t like you regardless of what you have or haven’t done. Becoming unlikable happens when you change who you are or what you know to be right in order to avoid a conflict. Being intentional about every word we say (or don’t say) is a big part of becoming better women.

Fear of man (or woman) fuels a propensity to become chameleons. And while that skill is wonderful for Joe Rogan and many other names on the Hollywood walk of fame- it doesn’t serve us well in the reality of interpersonal one-on-one relationships. Stick to one skin- the one you are in.

Never fear being disliked- only fear making yourself unlikable by withholding the whole truth. Being true to you always outweighsbeing someone else for appearances.

Whether it is your health, your body, or your mind- don’t be afraid of becoming the absolute best version of you possible. Keep in mind that you may need to go through a few revisions to get it right. You 2.0? Totally legit.

PS- In my estimation, it is OK to fear snakes, eels and sharks (or a combo of all 3) That’s just common sense.

Jolie vs. Jennifer and Other Pointless Comparisons

Yes, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are finally engaged according to The New York Post and many other sources as of last Friday. And no, Jennifer Aniston doesn’t care.

The ongoing tabloid tirade between Jolie and Jennifer has entertained most of us for the last seven years. In-between sprints on the treadmill and sips at Starbucks, more than a few of us have given way to turning pages dedicated to the tousle between these two. We have painted this dueling duo as the pout-lipped temptress vs. the unsuspecting good wife. However, the subsequent question always follows; how could Brad Pitt love such seemingly different women?

Maybe they aren’t all that different from one another. Sure, one is the cheated and one is the cheater- but who’s keeping track? (Sorry, I guess I am on Team Aniston)

But in all honesty, I could care less about the love triangle going on. What intrigues me is the comparison game between Hollywood’s ‘bad girl’ and Hollywood’s ‘good girl’. Jolie and Aniston provide a clear portrait of a real and present problem with modern-day female interaction. Both of these woman represent the constant pull between two polar opposite female personalities on the spectrum of friendship and foe.

One woman appears to be sunny, outgoing and BFF-ish. The other is stunning, intriguingly talented, and too sexy for her slit (Oh come on we’ve all seen Jolie’s awkward Oscar stance, right?) Sure, Jolie is a UN Refugee Envoy, but still the tabloids can’t seem to get past the Pitt husband-stealing thing. And Aniston has had a string of beaus and is now happy and (perhaps prego?) with Theroux.

The take-away from their tabloid popularity is this: it isn’t about them. It’s about us.

No matter where you fall in the spectrum of good girl vs. bad girl- we can not ignore the cache of comparisons we subject ourselves to on a daily basis. Maybe we aren’t comparing ourselves to Hollywood starlets, but a lot of women run headlong into comparisons with colleagues, friends, and foes; the masochist and the ego-head alike.

Comparison alone (without stress, financial trouble, love-life lulls, etc.) can cause isolation and insecurity. It can also cause us to demean ourselves and ultimately, become depressed. According to the CDC (Center for Disease Control) 1 in 10 adults in the U.S. are suffering from depression. While there are many other factors present in the diagnoses of depression comparing ourselves unfairly to one another? It certainly can’t be helping.

My mom has always told me that comparing myself to anyone else is like trying to squeeze a glass of orange juice from a rock. Pointless. The beauty of being a woman is how multifaceted we all are. Angelina and Jennifer have both struggled in the love department and they have both had amazing careers. They are just different kinds of the same. Just as you and I.

I know what you’re thinking. Is this another bite-your-tongue-and-be-friends-with-everyone blog? Nope.

I understand that there is no way that every woman can be friends with every woman. There are certain reasons and common interests that allow us to click with some ladies and not with others- (note: lack of morality and modesty is a legitimate reason to nix happy-hour). Regardless of commonalities, there is a danger in comparing ourselves to someone else- to anyone else. Especially if the goal is to make ourselves feel better or worse than them. If we begin counting any woman as unimportant or less valuable (including ourselves), we are collectively lowering our own self worth simultaneously along with theirs.

One of the first books ever written in the history of the world was by a missionary and saint named Paul. He puts it this way. “We’re not, understand, putting ourselves in a league with those who boast that they’re our superiors. We wouldn’t dare do that. But in all this comparing and grading and competing, they quite miss the point.”

And that’s the root of the root. If we spend too much mental energy comparing ourselves with others we will have missed the point. Instead of competing in battles we can not win with one another, we should be each other’s biggest supporters and cheerleaders.

You don’t have to give a round of applause to the girl who stole your job by lying about her resume qualifications or the woman who is spreading lies about you around the office to get a promotion. Those aren’t the type of women you need in your life. Instead, take a cue from Aniston herself. If you happen to have an ‘Angelina Jolie’ in your life- do the good girl thing and go on living your life- fully. Happiness is reserved for those who don’t allow someone else to dictate who they are.

“Once you figure out who you are and what you love about yourself, I think it all kinda falls into place.” – Jennifer Aniston

Photo Courtesy of: La Baguette Magique

The Importance of Spring Cleaning for the Soul

I am a disorganized organized person. Everything has a place, it’s just sometimes I can’t remember where that place is.

If there is such a thing as a scatter-brained Type A gal, that’s me. Some of us excel in this area, but no matter if you are disordered or tidy, spring cleaning is for establishing much-needed order. Your home’s mess-o-meter aside, spring cleaning for the soul is an essential step in trimming up those frayed emotional edges.

This isn’t about getting your closet color-coded, instead, let’s focus on cleaning out those inner cobwebs that may be fogging your vision or on unpacking your unnecessary baggage. Here is a daily checklist that can help you stay focused, positive, and clear-minded not only during this time of year, but all year-round.

Clean Out the Kitchen Sink – The phrase ‘everything but the kitchen sink‘ is one that holds a lot of water (pun fun!) for women in today’s hectic, hurried world. The phrase first appeared in common conversations during the early 20th century after World War II. The idea is that everyone’s kitchen sink is connected to internal pipes and usually bolted down; so it’s not easily moved. Metaphorically, consider the kitchen sink to be your foundation. This represents your core beliefs and what you consider to be your moral code. Take inventory of the random dirty dishes you’ve collected. Clean them and then put them away. If you have made small mistakes or big ones, this is the step that can help you rediscover homeostasis. Without emptying out the ‘dirty dishes’ you’ve been ignoring or allowing to build up overtime, it can be hard to re-discover the base structure of who you really are.

Make Your Bed Everyday – While this can be turned into a metaphor as well, the actual act of making your bed every morning is a great way to start your day. One small accomplishment like this can put into place a habit of finishing what you begin. Leaving little things undone throughout the week (beginning with skipping making the bed) can become a pathway for procrastination. And can even ultimately lead us into a life of doing things half-way. Start everyday by taking the time to make your room a place you look forward to relaxing in after a long day.

Throw Out Old Magazines – Whether you have a magazine subscription to every gossip rag in circulation or only buy an US Weekly when Ryan Gosling is on the cover, it is important to clean out those old magazines. Not only can stray paper clutter our homes and literally eat-up otherwise useful space, they can also clutter our minds with impractical ideals. Hollywood isn’t reality, and while it is great to escape every now and then, it is also important to counter-balance that input with some more substantial information. If you struggle with body issues, consider skipping the health magazines with super models on the cover. Instead, load your iPod with positive message running music or read motivational books about cultivating inner beauty.

Clean Splatters Off of the Mirror – This may be the most important step in soul spring cleaning. The way we see ourselves can get splattered upon through other people’s back-splash and our own misconceptions. Instead of letting those smudges and water spots overtake our reflections, we need to periodically wipe it away and start afresh. One way to do this is to write down some negative thoughts you’ve been harboring over the last season of your life. Go through each thought you’ve had about yourself or someone has verbalized about you and cross it off with a red pen. Write in black pen next to it, a positive thought about yourself and focus on that in place of the old one.

Spring cleaning for the soul is necessary anytime we start to feel internally cluttered. Whether you struggle with negativity, taking on too much or are simply feeling lost you need to take the time to take out the trash. In this particular time in history, women have so many options- in life, love and work. The only person holding us back from our utmost potential is the person in the mirror. Make sure you can see her clearly by giving her the space she needs to truly shine.

Can You Ever Be Too Pretty For Your Own Good?

I was having a conversation with a few of my girlfriends the other day when a beautiful girl walked into the coffee shop we were at. The table went quiet.

One of my friends nervously pulled at a loose string on her hem, another stared the girl up-and-down, and the quietest of the group continued flipping through a magazine as if Brooke Burke’s doppelganger hadn’t just breezed through the door.

Finally, I said “Wow, that girl is really pretty.” Everyone responded in surround-sound; defeated and despondent, “I know, right?”

In that moment I began wondering what I was in the middle of. There was an energy shift among the women. Each of us responded in a different way. Each of us had exposed our insecurities and our imperfections in one quick moment of reflection.

As women, are we really threatened by beauty or by the way that beautiful women make us feel?

I found a recent Psychology Today article detailing the perils (ahem) of attractiveness. Heidi Grant Halvorson, Ph.D. revealed that “recent research has shown how the advantages of being beautiful don’t always translate into greater successes. In fact, being good-looking can cost you opportunities – jobs, scholarships, promotions – depending on the gender and attractiveness of your evaluator.”

She goes on to further explain via fellow Psychologist Maria Agthe, that attractive applicants who were in the process of approval for a graduate scholarship received higher ratings ‘from opposite-sex raters, but not from same-sex raters’. She went on to say that in this case, female applicants were actually penalized for their beauty by women.

As an author of a book that focuses on social graces and treating each other kindly, one of my core beliefs is deeply rooted in the importance of cultivating inner beauty. But that isn’t to say that outward beauty doesn’t have it’s own gravitational pull in our society and in our emotional lives.

The pretty girls feel like they need to apologize for being so.The plainer girls feel like they need to interchange the words ‘mean ‘and ‘pretty’ to make themselves feel like the nicer of the two. Regardless of where we fall on the spectrum of beauty, I stumbled across some stats that I think may help us better understand our aversion to accepting prettiness with grace.

According to the Social Issues Research Center (SIRC) a non-profit organization founded to conduct research on social and lifestyle issues, 80% of women over the age of 18 are unhappy with the way they look.

SIRC explained, “Recent experiments have shown that exposure to magazine photographs of super-thin models produces depression, stress, guilt, shame, insecurity, body-dissatisfaction and increased endorsement of the thin-ideal stereotype. Magazines like Vogue and Elle are banned in many eating-disorder clinics, because of their known negative effect on patients’ body-image.”

In a Harvard University Study they found that two-thirds of underweight 12-year-olds considered themselves “fat”. By 13, at least 50% of girls are dissatisfied with the way they look. At 14, the dissatisfaction becomes more targeted to certain areas of the body. By the time 17 rolls around, 7 out of every 10 girls will have been on a diet.*

Our image insecurities have lead us to judge not only those around us, but in turn, our poor fragile selves. And this vicious cycle of self-loathing and discontentment has led us to develop a distorted idea of beauty.

The root of the root? Pretty girls don’t have it made. No one does.

One of the freshest examples of this is Whitney Houston. Gone too soon at 48, she was a beautiful and talented lady who had everything going for her . In an interview with Good Morning America, the Canadian power-house Celine Dion commented, “What happens when you have everything? Love, support, motherhood…Something happens that I don’t understand. That’s why I’m scared of show business.”

In Whitney’s case, people continue to say what a waste. What a loss. What a shame. Because it is. Here is a woman who didn’t understand her own worth. Here is a woman who never understood how to accept her beauty and talent instead of resent it. I think there are a lot of us like her.

The problem may lie in the way we have been programmed to view beauty. While every woman wants it, we are also told to ‘harbor a secret hatred for the prettiest girl in the room’ (whether that’s someone else or ourselves)- as feminist-songwriter Ani DiFranco so eloquently stated.

How about you? Have you ever been shunned because you were a threat to another woman? Have you ever been left out, even though you didn’t quite understand why? Maybe just maybe, it had nothing to do with something being wrong. Perhaps it was just because you looked too right.

Have you ever done the shunning? Have you ever given envy the upper hand?

We hear all the time about accepting each others faults, but what we hear less about is accepting each others loveliness.

We need to remember that feminism in it’s original form was not only a sect of activists promoting a series of accomplishments to catapult women into their own real of economic progress– it was also meant to create a bond between sisters; a union of souls. We need to get back to that place.

Beauty is defined as ‘the qualities in a person that pleasurably exalts the mind or spirit.’

My advice? Shock people with your goodness. There is nothing more defusing than a pretty girl who is kind. Because, even if pretty is something you are, being beautiful is something we should all work hard to become.

The Zipfizz Video

Here is the final commercial! What fun it was to make.

Zipfizz - Why It Is The Nice Girl's Energy Drink

Ok. So it may sound a bit like an infomercial. And maybe it is, but I had the pleasure of recently filming a Zipfizz commercial and I am convinced that it is the nice girl's answer to energy.

While my reasons for believing so may have nothing to do with the need for B12 and everything to do with my need for a shot of humility, I still think it's a story worth sharing.

Booking an acting job can sometimes feel like winning the lottery. You spend hours mentally preparing, going through several different call backs and then await the results. As an actor (I use the term loosely since I am not of the DiCaprio caliber of course), you constantly second guess your ability and your intuition. Even if you are told that you have done a wonderful job, you still have a sneaking suspicion that the shoot date for said job will come and go without so much as a nod in your direction.

The process sounds much more dramatic (no pun intended) than it actually is. But for a SAHM, local acting gigs are rare and beautiful gifts of creativity. I can step outside the title of mommy for a few hours and revisit a passion I still love. And most importantly, this particular job taught me a valuable lesson that applies to nice girls everywhere.

You are only as valuable as you are humble.

When the day came for me to find out if I had booked the job or not, I checked my phone incessantly and had butterflies all day. As 8 am turned to noon and then dwindled to 8pm, I knew the handwriting was on the wall. But still holding onto a shred of hope, I emailed my contact to get the official dismissal.

Within minutes I got a "regret-to-inform-you" email. I had lost this job, and it was painful because it was just between myself and one other girl. An ego bruising coupled with a loss of funds I could have desperately used, I drew a hot bath, poured a glass of red wine and cried. Yep, I cried.

So how in the world did I go from the tub of tears to the set of the Zipfizz commercial? I had what I now affectionately call, a Lazarus Leap.

A few days after I had let it go and allowed the disappointment to die an honorable yet mopey death, I got a call from my father. "Some woman from this media group is trying to get a hold of you."

Could it be?

I called the woman back and lo and behold they offered the job to me, instead. Why? The number one girl had tried to negotiate for more money. So as a result of her, dare I say, greed and pride- I was able to safely slide into the number-two-is-as-good-as-number-one-in-my-book spot.

The truth is that I learned more from the girl who didn't get the job, ultimately, than I learned from myself. Yes, I can honestly admit there was some pride to be swallowed and a sliver of embarrassment to be banished, but it was worth it.

I was chosen because I honored the agreement that I entered into when I saw the financial and time commitments for the project the first day of auditions. I was chosen because some girl out there decided to kick humility to the curb and try to up her worth on paper- in dollars and nonsense. I was chosen because God wanted to give me a gift that mattered to me and He wanted to let me know that prayers (even silly, first-world problem ones) get heard.

So my fellow nice girls here's your take away. Honor your commitments. Don't ever give up on a job well done. Don't be too prideful to gracefully accept second place. And don't ever think that a prayer-soaked hope is gone, ever. The impossible can happen.

In my book, Zipfizz has some dang good energy and will always be my go-to drink when I need a little pick-me-up. Besides, it tastes good too.