Courtesy of Girl Power Hour Blog: How Anti-Assertivenss is the Best Way to Get Promoted

According to a recent article by ABC News, it was reported that, “12 percent of the executive offices of America” are occupied by women. They went on to say that “most of them got there by being tough, forceful and direct.”

However, Elle Magazine recently capitalized on this interesting tidbit of information by highlighting an unusual, yet equally effective anti-assertiveness training program called “Bully Broads”, whose goal is to help highly qualified women get to the top rung by being kind instead of bristly.

Have you hit a plateau in your career? For some of us being the tough girl has worked out thus far, however when it comes to managing a core group of employees or gaining that corner office, we’re hitting a wall. It could be because we need a lesson in anti-assertiveness. However, you may be thinking that seems counter-intuitive, especially when you’ve gotten so far being the feared female in the room.

The truth is that when it comes to getting that coveted executive position, playing hard ball may cause the higher-ups, as well as associates, to fear you instead of revere you.This can get in the way of any further promotion. So how do prove that you can handle more work with grace as well as gall? To boost productivity it has been shown that encouraging one to do better work instead of demeaning co-workers for lackluster performance is the most effective way to increase revenue and in-office camaraderie.

What is known as The Hawthorne Effect, simply states that “productivity gain occurred because the workers were impacted by the motivational effect of the interest being shown in them.”

Human nature remains the same, showing interest in someone motivates them. Negative interest doesn’t count. Bully Broads founder, Jean Hollands has many excellent tips on how to reposition your strong personality to accommodate for all types of employees putting you right where you want to be: in the CEO’s highest graces.

She suggests many steps in the work place, but a few that seem to be the easiest to apply?

1. Talking slowly so other people can listen and respond.
2. Give feedback to others in a constructive way.
3. Walking slowly so people don’t feel overwhelmed or intimidated.
4. Cry at work. (She claims it shows humanity as well as passion)
5. Smile often.
6. Talk softer when reprimanding.
7. Use self-deprecation to appear relate-able.

Whether you feel like you are ready to go to the next level but are being held back by your inability to play nice with others or are simply wanting to be more kind to people to rack up Karma points, Hollands anti-assertiveness advice is practical, useful knowledge that all women should take into consideration.

Besides, how does that saying go? Sometimes the hard thing and the right thing are the same? Looks like being nice may pay big dividends after all.

Nice Girls 60-Day Challenge, Day 46: Embrace Your "Seasons"

Nice Girls 60-Day Challenge Day 46: Embrace Your "Seasons"

All of us go through different seasons in life. The most graceful way to handle each of these is to embrace where you find yourself no matter the circumstances. Some of us are in hard seasons, joyful seasons, boring seasons, and exhausted seasons. All of these serve a purpose in developing who we will become as mature and kind women.

I can tell you first hand how frustrated I can get with the mundane, I find that my season in life is more Groundhog Day then anything else, but as a new mom with a new priority, I can tell you that I will look back on this season will teary eyes, and wish I could play one more game of peek-a-boo with my energetic son.

Don't let the "grass is always greener" mentality steal your current joy. No matter if you are on top of the world or at the end of your rope, try to find the essential learning lessons in this season and utilize those gems of wisdom in the future.

Nice Girls 60-Day Challenge, Day 45: Enjoy Yourself!

Nice Girls 60-Day Challenge, Day 45: Enjoy Yourself!

Summer is here! And there is nothing more fun than hanging out with close friends and family. Whether its at a BBQ in the backyard or boating on a lake, so today's challenge is to take the time to truly enjoy yourself. Far too often nice girls will forget that being nice isn't hard work- nor should it be- but rather an extension of the way you treat yourself.

Today, enjoy being who you are. You are unique, loved and have a specific design to fill a certain void during this time in history. Laugh, love and sip a glass of chilled wine- there is no better time than the present to be truly content in your own skin.

Nice Girls 60-Day Challenge, Day 44: Practice Playing Second Fiddle

Nice Girls 60-Day Challenge, Day 44: Practice Playing Second Fiddle

(Warning: Biblical perspective below : )

Romans 12:3 For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.

Have you ever had one of those conversations that stick out in your mind for years after it takes place?

You can be in the middle of a grocery store pinching a cantaloupe and all of a sudden you remember a certain exchange? For me, these conversations usually revolve around an echo that was whispered into the canyon of my soul- one that God decided should be the introduction to my life’s anthem.

When soul-sticking words are spoken, it means that someone has struck a chord inside your heart, and no matter how much time marches by it will always ring true. I have found that it is usually an issue that God is still working with me on and so He has chosen to use that previous whisper as a collective yell from His throne to my doorstep.

I have taken to calling these human, err-filled conversations glorious gifts of grace. One memory in particular was a conversation that I had with the wife of my husband’s dearest friend.

Libby is the type of woman that you can tell spends hours with God. Not bent over her Bible with a highlighter all hours of the day, but she is a woman who constantly talks to God while she is peeling potatoes or sings to him while she is on the stair stepper. She is someone who should remind us that there is no place too mundane for miracles or too commonplace for confession.

After Libby and I had begun having babies we would try to be in the habit of seeing each other every few months. On one such occasion we were talking about our church communities, and she had asked if I was ever interested in leading worship at church? At the time, I had just moved back from Nashville and my singing “career” was at an impasse, I understood the naturalness of the question.

I shook my head and bold-facedly answered, halo intact, “I haven’t. Mainly, it is because I don’t like singing in front of other people about God. I hate feeling like I am saying, ‘look at me, look at me’ while the words are clearly about Him. I would rather just blend into the crowd and sing a hymn or two to Him in my heart of hearts.”

Libby’s eyes sparkled as she responded, “Are you sure that’s not false humility?”

Gong!

And her truthful comment still echoes today, because it is a message that I wrestle with. As Christian women sometimes we don’t think we deal with pride like our husbands might- isn’t that a guy thing? But what if our pride is just wrapped up in the linens of false humility? Our gifts are not our own, and yet we lay claim to them. Deciding how and whom we will share them with. For some of us, we go even as far as to not dare call ourselves “gifted”- if we do then we are tooting our own horn and blowing our own confetti.

However- God clearly talks about giving gifts to his children. Romans chapter 12: 6-8 speaks of specific gifting, such as serving, teaching, public speaking, contributing, giving, leading, and charity work.

The Message translation reveals Romans 12: 9-10 this way, Love from the center of who you are; don't fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle.

I love this illustration. Practice playing second fiddle.

We live in a culture of first place obsession. Sayings like, second place is the first loser have developed in each of us a determination to win, to be better, and ultimately to be the best at whatever hand we have been dealt. Jesus however was a master at playing second fiddle as should 'nice girls' in this culture.

Nice Girls 60-Day Challenge, Day 42: Be Righteously Offensive

This may seem like a strange challenge for today, but it is something that I have always struggled with. People pleasing, agreeing just to be agreeable, and going along with something even if you don't believe in it- are not "nice" ways to behave. In fact, being dishonest about your convictions is simply lying.

Nice Girls Challenge Day 42: Be Righteously Offensive

The word "offensive" has such a negative connotation to it. Images of explicit graffiti, violent TV shows, and lewd photographs (Anthony Weiner anyone?) seem to shuttle across our minds. But have you ever been righteously offensive?

The word righteous is straight from the Bible and another word that we tend to shy away from- but did you know that nice girls must be offensive to those who think that behaving badly is their right? It may seem ambiguous- since your definition of right and offense may be drastically different from the girl in the next cubicle, but don't shy away from doing the right thing if you feel convicted to do so.

Someone cut in front of the woman in the wheelchair? Be an advocate for them and notify them of their mistake.

Someone is degrading your belief system? Speak up about your convictions without faltering.

Someone is cussing in front of your child? Politely ask them to be more considerate.

Now don't go all "Housewives of New Jersey" on people you don't know very well or go looking for fights to pick with randoms at the mall- this is simply a reminder to be well versed in your beliefs, speak openly about why you live your life the way you do, and remember that being nice isn't simply being a pushover- it means to stand up for what you believe in.

Nice Girls 60-Day Challenge, Day 41: Welcome Jealousy

This morning, I was reading Facebook feeds and I came across this post from Latashja Hanson who is an On-Air Personality for KW3 Morning Show, 97.7 KYSN Mid Days and PROMOTIONS at Cherry Creek Radio in Wenatchee, Washington. And I thought it was the perfect premise for today's challenge:

"Never hate those people who are jealous of you but respect their jealousy because they are the ones who think that you are better than them"

Nice Girls Challenge Day 40: Welcome Jealousy

This perspective is a fresh take on dealing with those in your life that just can't seem to be happy for you no matter how nice you are to them. From women who want to tear you down for the successes you have found, the relationships you are in, or simply the way you look- take it as a compliment because as Latashja posted, it is just confirmation that they think you are better than them- and if you adhere to a life dedicated towards kindness instead of hatred, you are making this world a better place than your envious counterparts.

The truth is that if there is a bitter person in your life, don't allow them to steal your joy. Jealousy doesn't have to be a negative thing, if we just change the way respond to it.

GUEST BLOG: Nice Girls Rule 60-Day Challenge: Day 40

Today's guest blogger is an amazing woman and friend that has some very sound advice for the 9-5 nice girl. A southern belle without the saccharine-sweetness (she'll never talk behind your back and "bless your heart" in public), Laura Bliss Morris is a strong minded, inspirational, and successful corporate queen who has an amazing design sensibility and a solid work ethic. Aside from her career clout, she also fosters dogs in her spare time with Agape Animal Rescue www.agaperescue.org and could have her own show on HGTV with some of her home renovation ideas.

This the girl you want to learn lessons from, have a glass of wine with, or simply read a few paragraphs from- so I encourage you to take Laura's challenge, its a GREAT one!

Nice Girls Challenge Day 40: Climb the Corporate Ladder Without Clawing Your Way to the Top

I must admit when Megan asked me if I’d do a guest post on rules for nice girls in the workplace, I was flattered.

Megan and I first met a few years ago when we worked together as literary publicists. Since then we’veboth moved on to other careers, major life changes and different states but we’ve remained strongfriends. I attribute the bond we formed as friends to the strong foundation we first built as co-workers.

For many women, the workplace can be like high school all over again. Cliques pop up, gossip runs rampant, and everything is laced with an air of competitiveness. But what makes the workplace so much more devious, is that the stakes are higher. You aren’t competing for vice president of the senior class, you’re competing for vice president, senior partner, manager, or any other upper level position that will not only make you the envy of all your “friends” but pay you more money, give you better perks, and so on.

This can be a slippery slope. Trust me I know. A few years ago, as a mid- twenty-something trying tomake it in a new city, I went from an entry level position to manager of the department in the matterof a few months. At the time, all I saw was the title and pay upgrade. I didn’t take a realistic look back to say, “HEY! This is a great thing but are you ready for this? Do you know the industry well enough? Do you have a big long list of contacts?” instead I just went with it.

I’m a quick learner and for what I lacked in experience, I made up for in dedication to learning the things I didn’t know. But as the first-time manager of a department of three, ambitious and competitive women—this added a whole new layer and I knew I had my work cut out for me. Playing nice wasn’t always the easy thing to do, but it was the right thing to do for the company (and my sanity). In the end, we all made it through—some of us with stronger bonds than others but at the end of the day I’d say we could all enjoy a nice long chat and a cold cocktail should our paths cross again.

Here are some tried and true rules to help Nice Girls climb their way to the top:

1. Gossip Girls:

There’s a reason that show’s for high schoolers: As the clock drags on and you’re stuck between lunch and punching the clock, it’s easy to get caught up dishing about the what-if’s and the hushed whispering of who did what but gossip is a very nasty thing. Just because you interpret something one way doesn’t mean that’s the correct context. Your incorrect interpretation could be damaging not only to your co-worker but your future as well. As my mother always says, if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

2. Look the Part:

This isn’t a critique about your fashion sense—rather more about your fashion IQ. Animals survive and thrive in the wild because they camouflage themselves. If you want your nice girl persona to be taken seriously, now is not the time to go all ‘Sex & The City’ if you work at a conservative law firm. Expression is a big part of who we are so stifling our fashion creativity isn’t what I’m recommending. Simply become aware of your surroundings and learn to camouflage without sacrificing who you are. A crisp, clean black suite with a rockin’ pair of pink heels or other standout accessory is a great way to get the best of both worlds. You don’t want to stick out like a sore thumb but you also don’t want to blend in to the background. Using fashion to get noticed the right way takes some practice but trust me that micro mini is going to do about as much for your career as braces did for your first kiss.

3. Kitty’s Got Claws:

Competition can make us do crazy things. As a former collegiate athlete, the greatest thing I’ve learned about competition is to ALWAYS respect your opponent. You don’t have to like, approve or replicate everything your co-workers do but you should always respect them as co-workers. You’re not a teenager anymore and this isn’t your mom telling you that you can’t go to the prom. This is your peer—someone who doesn’t have to love you because you’re their kid. If you break out those cat claws and draw first blood, you can kiss your nice girl reputation goodbye. The gossip mills will be running at full steam and those cliques will be un-cliquing you post-haste.

4. Passing Notes:

Listen, if you don’t want the teacher to read to the class about your new obsession with Tommy or how you can’t stand the captain of the cheerleading squad, don’t write it in the note that you just passed to your bestie! Same thing goes for work e-mail. Come on ladies, how many times have we written something only to then accidentally forward it on to someone who wasn’t supposed to see it—a client who is driving you particularly crazy, a co-worker who is wearing an outfit that’s well—interesting, or a boss you caught picking his nose. E-mail has made modern day business communication a breeze but when used incorrectly it can also be a dangerous tool. So keep it classy. If you aren’t comfortable saying it out loud to a co-worker, maybe you shouldn’t be saying it at all.

5. The Corner Office:

Regardless of who sits in the corner office, we all want to be there at some point in our lives. If you’re new to a company take some time to get settled in and absorb the corporate environment before you start speaking up. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a strong, outspoken woman myself—just ask Megan, my husband or even my boss—but I’ve learned to bury my feet in the sand before the tide comes rushing in. The best way to get to the corner office one day is to become invested in the company. How does this make you a nice girl? Well it means that you’re learning your role, your place in the company and then you can recognize your niche—the place where your talents fit in—without stepping on your co-workers on the way to the top.

All in all, climbing the corporate ladder without clawing your way to the top and remaining a nice girl in the corporate world isn’t easy. Whether you’re just starting your first big job or are a veteran employee,I hope these simple tips help you continue the good fight. Cheers to the nice girls, who make going to work every day a pleasure!

Laura Bliss Morris is a senior, public relations practitioner for a Nashville-based non-profit. After years of competing at cut-throat for-profit corporations, she recently retracted her claws and returned to her first love—the non-profit sector. An avid DIY’er, she can often be found up to her elbows in a home renovation project with her husband and two dogs. To read more from Laura visit her blog: Bungalow Bliss